Still Me But Not Me…
So much shifting and changing since my 🍄 journey. In all the best ways but also very aware of my ego. I almost feel bad for my ego. Feels like a child that doesn’t know how to regulate their emotions being triggered. I see myself mothering my ego. “It’s ok.” You are so used to protecting yourself that you don’t quit see all the change is good. Yes it is uncomfortable but this shift is helping us grow.”
It’s like I can see and feel so clearly the life I have been creating for years finally on the precipice of…oh…flashback to recent vision…I could feel myself as a seed growing and pushing through to the surface.
There are so many analogy’s about rebirth. Often, first thinking of the work our mothers have to put in to push us into the world. The struggle of the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis. And sometimes I hear about the seed sprouting to the surface.
When I use the first two as visual representations of my process of rebirth it is heavy, difficult, extremely uncomfortable. But when I finally felt myself as a seed in the ground that I planted, it wasn’t as uncomfortable. It was exciting. There wasn’t much struggle. The soft moist dirt around me was comforting with the cool morning dew. I could see myself emerging from the shell of my seed, roots reaching down feeling like wiggling my toes in the dirt. I could feel myself almost dancing like a snake up and out to the surface. Stretching my petals like arms far and wide, face to the new sun.
That’s the image of rebirth for me now. Planted myself as a seed for the new moon Aries. Doing the healing work my soul needed to birth the new and now 2 weeks later the full moon in Scorpio is rewarding me by illuminating the clarity of my intentions.
I am not who I once was. Funny how quickly we can change course. How we can really just decide that “I dont want to do that anymore.” “I dont want to be that anymore.” “I want to pivot now that I see more of the bigger picture.”
(I feel a need to say that I am typing this after do a great round of morning affirmations for creativity. Pulled Angel Wisdom Tarot and that pull was insane. Maybe I can figure out how to plug images here. Anyway I am now listening to a 3 hour meditation/ affirmations for health, wealth & happiness.)
Back to wherever I am going next. Lol.
You ever want to talk about something but not sure how to talk about it? I want to talk about sex but I dont…hmmm. I was going to say I dont know if it’s time but I do know it is time. I pulled before bed last night from the Divine Masters (Ascended Masters) and got Mary Magdalene 1st out the gate. This took me into a research rabbit hole into her and other Ascended Masters. Hmmm…that’s it…I thought last night like, “Mary Magdalene is a great place to start with talking about it.” The pull last night was so profound that I shed a tear because I the message hit so hard. I could start writing by reflecting back on the that pull. (Post coming soon…)
Sex. I know I am not alone…I pray that this blog enables me to connect with others relearning sex. The Sacred Energy eXchange. Learning how to set healthy boundaries. Set solid standards and not compromising on the nonnegotiable’s. Heavy on RELEASING SHAME! Heavy on LIBERATION! (As the mediation says, “I am fearless.”) Whew this meditation really picked up! “My courage helps to INSPIRE others!”
I CAN DO THIS! I am not scared to share what I have learned and what I am and have unlearned. Last night I was teetering on an extreme. Thinking, “Oh I want to strive to be an Ascended Master. Elevate beyond the physical. IE get to the point where sex is not even a want. But in this very moment as I write freely, NO. That is not the answer! “You have endured to much that it is time for you to learn the beauty of pleasure in a healthy way.” Stop shaming yourself for (longest break ever…)
I stopped to create word are for instagram. “WOW! I’m really a writer!”
I notice I pause at moments in my writing that are difficult for me to talk about.
Whew…ok. “Stop shaming yourself for…” liking sex? Wanting to explore sex? “Why the internal reaction to admitting it in this private space? You talk about sex often to the masses?” …
…conditioning.
I don’t feel shame about it. I want to actually talk about my process through this journey loud and proud.
“It’s the uneasiness of others you are feeling.” “You know how you feel when you post anything sensual or sexy. When you post it, you feel empowered but as the views increase that anxious feeling is shame being projected.”
“When you are in a safe space with safe people you talk freely about sex. It lights you up! Actually.”
So why then am I having an issue writing it here in a space that I created?
“Because you know that it will be part of the masses and you are afraid of scrutiny.”
WOW! That was also in a card from last night…let me see if I can find where that came from…ahhh.
That was also Mary Magdalene. “If you have a strong desire to share what you have learned, it’s time to do so. This can be scary and sometimes overwhelming, because putting yourself out there can leave you open to scrutiny. But if you are comfortable with your gifts and teachings you hold a sacred energy that allows others to see you clearly. The light of Mary Magdalene is surrounding you now and encouraging you to recognize that the healing you have experienced is actually what you are here to teach.” (The Divine Masters Oracle ~ Kyle Gray)
Yeah. We ready. “Hey Siri. Play Ready ‘24 by J. Cole.”
Friday April 26, 2024 @ 1127am